I was thinking long and hard about what I wanted to say to you on mother’s day. While I could easily go for the sappy message, I chose to relate to you a topic that has been on my mind for a long while. If you are not a parent yet, then read what I’m about to express and place yourself in our shoes. If you are indeed a parent, a mother specifically, then kudos to you, you are doing a great job. But please, oh please, I truly hope you are not the judgmental type, and if you are, I wish what I’m about to write will make you change your mindset.
Before I became a mother, I thought the motherhood community would be supportive, that they are all in this together and have each others’ backs. Never would I have imagined the opposite.
In the virtual world there are numerous local and international boards for a wide array of parenting topics, and while some moms embrace their peers, many choose to cyber bully and judge other moms’ parenting skills. In the real world it’s the same, mom against mom.
Stop waiting for an opportunity to shame other mothers by making them feel less important, less nurturing, less knowledgeable. If a mom comes to you for advice, then by all means advise her but do so gently and don’t put her down. There are no perfect mothers but there are ones who try their best. There are moms who work all day to provide for their children, and there are moms who choose to be homemakers, neither is right nor wrong. Some moms always look their best and some don’t have the time, but it doesn’t mean the former aren’t caring for their kids. Your home may be spotless or it may look like a hurricane hit it, you may choose to be a hands on mom or let your kids be independent, you can be a granola mom or feed your kids sugary cereals, breastfeed or formula feed, whatever works for you is no one’s business.
These wars have to stop.
If we as women first, and mothers second, don’t stand up for each other, who will? Enough with the hate and bashing, the judgment and finger pointing, the whispers and laughter. I am tired of seeing mothers around me victimized and made to feel like they aren’t doing enough. No one is perfect, let us work on ourselves as parents and do what’s best for our children while others do what’s best for theirs.
That being said, there is an incredible community of supportive moms online and I am privileged to know you all (you know who you are) and I am also grateful for my friends and colleagues who are also strong women and mothers with whom I have an ongoing bond for years. I wish you all a happy mother’s day.
Stay strong, stay sane!